Why Can't We Be Friends?

I have been “friends” with a guy for a long time. We have that off-on-again relationship thing going on. The lines between the platonic friendship and romantic relationship have often been blurred and sometimes overlapped. We would be on a “break” and the other person would not know about it. This friendship/relationship has definitely had communications issues. However, the situation, if you will, has continued for years.

I tried to cut all lines of communication between us in 2007. It lasted for a while, but I realized that I missed him as a friend, so we started talking again. However, we have proven time and time again that we can really never be just friends because of our history.

The problem with the situation is that I have never been able to completely open up or have a relationship with another male because half of me is still with my “friend.” This is not fair to me or male suitors. I sometimes feel like I (or rather my heart) am being held hostage.

Recently, my friend informed me that he is in a relationship. This news left me conflicted. A part of me feels like I should be happy for him. The other part of me is ready to ring the alarm—Beyonce style.

But I accept that he’s in a relationship, and I will respect his relationship. The hard part of this is my realization that we can not be friends while he is in the relationship. He would never be fully committed to her if I am still in the picture. It is impossible for us to have a platonic friendship. Why? There are several reasons.

1. Something will always steer us towards memory lane. Going on that drive together will only conjure up old feelings—feelings that are not necessarily gone anyway.

2. Friends should be able to talk about most things. We would not be able to confide in each other about “personal” matters. If I complained to him about another man, he’d offer to shoot him as a solution. As an advocate of anti-violence, this is unacceptable. On the contrary, I would not be the best person to give him relationship advice.

3. It is possible that I would never be sincerely happy that he’s moved on. If I’m going to be honest, I don’t want to see him with anyone else. Even if I don’t want him in a romantic way, it would be hard to see him with someone else or hear about it.

With that said, I am going to throw in my “friends” card—for now while he’s in this relationship. He is a good person, so it’s only fair that I give someone else a chance to experience the goodness without my interference. I don’t want be hold him hostage, as he’s done to me in the past.

Hopefully he will grant me the same courtesy in the future.